This presupposition is so simple, and yet you don’t always modify your behaviour when things don’t go as you want. After all, wandering through life wishing change on other people is easier, and you get to enjoy all the angst from thinking those horrible thoughts about someone else!

Remember that not everyone has your internal resources. We suggest that you’re going to expend a lot less energy in changing yourself than struggling to have other people conform to your ideals.

If you accept the NLP presupposition, you recognise that changing tactics is better than continuing to beat your head against a wall or spending your time lamenting your misfortune. Still, before you can actually change your tactics or do something different, you need to understand more about your present situation.

So why is what you’re doing not working? Didn’t you communicate exactly what you want? Perhaps the other person hasn’t discovered the necessary resources to help you achieve your outcome. What can you do differently to
get the desired results?

If you aren’t getting all the hugs you feel you want, perhaps you need to come right out and tell your partner that you like hugs. Remember that positive feedback works brilliantly, and so when your partner does make physical overtures make sure that you clearly demonstrate your appreciation of the contact.